This year I really wanted my focus to be on fixing all the things that I think need fixing in my life. I know sometimes it's two steps forward and two steps back. Lately it seems to be two forward, five back but that's probably the pessimist in me talking. Maybe I should pick just a few things to focus on all year instead of all things?
I suffer from social anxiety and the occasional panic attack. I am learning a lot about myself. Learning my triggers, learning how to work around them. It doesn't help that I am doing this without medication and therapy. I despise (read DESPISE) having to take medication and I am not opposed to therapy, just haven't found someone that I like. And to be clear, I don't want someone to sugar-coat things but I want them to be personable and relatable. I'm not sure if that makes sense or not.
Lately, due to a few "altercations" or so I will call them, I have had a lot of anxiety attacks and a few panic attacks. For me, the anxiety attacks just give me a stomach ache and make me jittery. The panic attacks feel like what I imagine a heart attack would feel like. They are awful.
I am not a social person. I know this. For lack of a better term, it must be the Asperger's in me. No, I don't have Asperger's, or I am not diagnosed with it but my son does. So it's like saying "I'm having a blond moment or an ADD moment". Not the best of terms, I agree, but using these terms generally explains a lot in a few words and that's why people tend to use them. Or they are just plain mean.
I am not a social person because meeting new people and worrying about whether they will like me or not causes me a LOT of anxiety. I know, at this age, I shouldn't care but I do. I know the "why" but don't know quite how to fix it. I tend to say what I think and some people don't like that. I try not to but it's too much work to not be honest and to be me. I am too tired to be fake. And, if I have to be fake for too long, it usually ends up in a panic attack. So for me, it's not something I do a lot. I guess I can see how that offends people. I try very hard not to say anything but I often get dragged in to these conversations and then when my opinion is asked, I give it. No glitz, no glam, just me.
So, it doesn't help right now that I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I am trying to do so much for so many and I often don't get back anything. Well, nothing tangible. I expect that to some degree but then when I need help, there isn't a lot to go around. Add to that my husband being deployed during the busiest time of year next to Christmas, drama in one volunteer job, past drama in another, and all the usual things that go along with raising kids and I am one step away from a mental hospital with an IV of anti-anxiety drugs.
I won't even get into how inadequate I feel as a parent all the time. Let's just say the following causes me an small panic attack; opening one child's backpack to find he STILL has not done his math work from last week (not sure how I missed that) and the notes written in red all over his papers and sticky flags saying he's getting recess and lunch detention and then a call from the school, which I thought was from his teacher who doesn't like him because he's not a perfectly well-behaved child, only to find out it's my other child who didn't give me his permission slip and he has a field trip today. I hung up the phone thinking how awful it must look to them that I can't keep up and then I start feeling the knot in my stomach and the tightening of my chest. By they way, I usually cry here because it frustrates me so much, but I didn't. Well, not yet anyway.
So that's me. The weight of the world, taking on too much, trying to do for others and then I want to do a house project? Yeah, because I am tired of backseating my life and plans for everyone else.
Showing posts with label asperger's. Show all posts
Showing posts with label asperger's. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
Disability doesn't = inability
I recently read an article posted on Facebook about a boy with Down Syndrome that is in college and was impressed by his drive and desire to be a college graduate. An amazing thing happens when you decide that your disability is not going to hold you back.
I am more amazed by how many people are astounded that my son, who has Asperger's, has been accepted into Johnson and Wales University in Rhode Island. They are actually amazed or surprised that he would be accepted and I am more amazed and surprised and think I WHY NOT!
I mean really, he has a disability but that does not mean he has an inability. He is incredibly smart. Yes, he some times lacks social graces and is crass at times but does that mean he should not go to college? Yes he often times is less mature than my 14 year old and sometimes my 7 year old but does that mean he's not able? No.
It means there is a lot more work for him to do than others. Just because he may be exempt from certain things or have modifications doesn't mean he does not work just as hard as the "average" person. There are things that we do with ease that we take for granted while he struggles to do them. The physical act of putting a pen on paper is one of them. Running is another. He has to work twice as hard, if not harder, to do these "average" tasks. His body exerts more energy doing these things than the "average" person which makes him tire a lot faster. In my opinion, he works harder.
People should not be surprised to see or hear of someone who has a disability accomplishing things like going to college, driving, holding down a job, or having a family.
Truly the question is, if you haven't done any of these things, what's your excuse?
I am more amazed by how many people are astounded that my son, who has Asperger's, has been accepted into Johnson and Wales University in Rhode Island. They are actually amazed or surprised that he would be accepted and I am more amazed and surprised and think I WHY NOT!
I mean really, he has a disability but that does not mean he has an inability. He is incredibly smart. Yes, he some times lacks social graces and is crass at times but does that mean he should not go to college? Yes he often times is less mature than my 14 year old and sometimes my 7 year old but does that mean he's not able? No.
It means there is a lot more work for him to do than others. Just because he may be exempt from certain things or have modifications doesn't mean he does not work just as hard as the "average" person. There are things that we do with ease that we take for granted while he struggles to do them. The physical act of putting a pen on paper is one of them. Running is another. He has to work twice as hard, if not harder, to do these "average" tasks. His body exerts more energy doing these things than the "average" person which makes him tire a lot faster. In my opinion, he works harder.
People should not be surprised to see or hear of someone who has a disability accomplishing things like going to college, driving, holding down a job, or having a family.
Truly the question is, if you haven't done any of these things, what's your excuse?
Thursday, February 23, 2012
"He's socially retarded".....
First I want to say, I hate the misuse of the word Retarded. Like so many words in our vocabulary, this one has been taken and convoluted to become a word of hate and ignorance. I cringe when I hear people using it. My son's school, the Norwich Free Academy, recently did a great presentation seen here: Norwich Free Academy R Word Campaign
My 17 year old son has Asperger's Syndrome. It's sometimes hard to explain what it is. Someone once described it to me as he's socially retarded. From the time my son was very little, I knew something was off but because I was a young mom with three kids by the age of 22, I was just seen as what's often referred to as "a breeder". You know, a person who has a lot of kids at a young age. I was discounted because they thought I was just needing attention. That I was a hypochondriac. So, I gave up on fighting but only for a little while.
When my son was a baby he was almost always content. He didn't crawl normally, he did a combat type crawl, he didn't walk until almost 18 months old, he had a speech delay and he was obsessed (read crazily, insanely obsessed) with dinosaurs. As soon as he could say Paleontologist, that's what he told people he wanted to be.
When my son started school some things we noticed were almost innocuous but they just didn't sit right with me. He did math "out-of-the-box" as his first grade teacher described it and he couldn't spell no matter what. Or so we thought. Turns out, he just couldn't spell on paper. When he was given an oral test, he could spell almost all the words. I tried to get his teachers to understand this but they didn't want to hear it. He was later diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder. Common in kids with Asperger's. He didn't understand sarcasm. For example, his third grade teacher once asked her class "What are some things money can do?" and all the kids responded with buy things. My son about came out of his seat with excitement because he knew something money could do that no one else had mentioned. When called upon by his teacher he excitedly proclaimed "Mrs. Ramsey, did you know money can burn a hole in your pocket?" and he was DEAD serious! She had to turn around to laugh because he was that serious and because if he saw her laugh, he would cry. He didn't like it when people laughed at what he did. Even if it wasn't making fun of him, he took it that way.
When my son started middle school, that is when things became glaringly apparent. He could not connect socially with his peer group any longer. We were seeing a psychologist at the time and he was in counseling and they said he had ADHD and depression. So onto meds he went. Not because I wanted him to take them but because I wanted him to be able to function.
He had always struggled with organization and could never turn in his homework because he could never find it. Another common trait amongst Aspergian's. Unfortunately, he almost failed 7th grade because of that so I pulled him out and home schooled him. He was testing into college at this point in everything except Language Arts and mostly because he had to write things. There are fewer bubble tests, or multiple choice questions in Language Arts. His handwriting was so poor. It still is.
So the catalyst for him being diagnosed with Asperger's was not what you would think. It did not come from all the countless meetings at schools with their Special Education Department, or from the Psychologist or from a therapist. After 14 years, it came from me channel surfing. Yep, channel surfing. One of the thing my husband hates that I do actually is what got my son diagnosed.
I happened to be channel surfing while the show I was watching was on commercial break. I happened to flip over to a channel that had one of the Hollywood new shows on like Entertainment Tonight or Extra or something like that. There was a girl on there talking. Her name was Heather Kuzmich and she had just been kicked off America's Next Top Model. She was talking about how she didn't do well in social situations and didn't like to be touched or like certain textures. Bells started going off in my head. OMGOSH, she is talking about my son! That's when I started researching. That was around November of 2007.
It took 8 months to get my son diagnosed by a Developmental Pediatrician and Child Psychologist. I went through hours of frustration with this man. He actually asked me if I was one of those parents that was just unhappy with the fact that my kid wasn't a straight-Student. I was so mad I cried, an unfortunate problem I have and hate. I told him I would be happy if my son brought home an F if his teacher said he was doing the best he could. Apparently that appeased him because he became nicer after that.
Needless to say, it took 14 years and a lot of frustration. I was humiliated on many occasions and I almost gave up. Heather's diagnosis and testimony lead to my son being finally diagnosed and my son's diagnosis helped a friend realize her son too has the same disorder.
All I can say is NEVER give up. If you believe with all your heart and mind that something is not right and if you gut tells you the same thing, chances are, you are probably right. No matter what, stick to your guns! I can tell you that I had a Special Education Superintendent sit with my son for 5 minutes and actually ask me on a scale of one to ten, how convinced was I that my son had Asperger's. Yes, really! I told her that since a Developmental Pediatrician and Child Psychologist of over 35 years of experience diagnosed him, I would say about a nine and a half. She STILL did not believe me and sent my son for testing. No shocker when it came back as him having Asperger's!
Above all else I will tell you that if your child has special needs, fight like you have never fought before and DO YOUR RESEARCH! Educate yourself so you can educate those that aren't. Be your child's best advocate.
My son is about to graduate high school. I love the school he is in. They have great Special Education resources and a great team of facilitators willing to make the necessary accommodations for my child to succeed. No, he is not an A student, although if he turned in his homework he would be, but I am happy he has made it this far. And for the record, he plans to go into the Culinary Field and has already been accepted into college. So much for Paleontology, right?
My 17 year old son has Asperger's Syndrome. It's sometimes hard to explain what it is. Someone once described it to me as he's socially retarded. From the time my son was very little, I knew something was off but because I was a young mom with three kids by the age of 22, I was just seen as what's often referred to as "a breeder". You know, a person who has a lot of kids at a young age. I was discounted because they thought I was just needing attention. That I was a hypochondriac. So, I gave up on fighting but only for a little while.
When my son was a baby he was almost always content. He didn't crawl normally, he did a combat type crawl, he didn't walk until almost 18 months old, he had a speech delay and he was obsessed (read crazily, insanely obsessed) with dinosaurs. As soon as he could say Paleontologist, that's what he told people he wanted to be.
When my son started school some things we noticed were almost innocuous but they just didn't sit right with me. He did math "out-of-the-box" as his first grade teacher described it and he couldn't spell no matter what. Or so we thought. Turns out, he just couldn't spell on paper. When he was given an oral test, he could spell almost all the words. I tried to get his teachers to understand this but they didn't want to hear it. He was later diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder. Common in kids with Asperger's. He didn't understand sarcasm. For example, his third grade teacher once asked her class "What are some things money can do?" and all the kids responded with buy things. My son about came out of his seat with excitement because he knew something money could do that no one else had mentioned. When called upon by his teacher he excitedly proclaimed "Mrs. Ramsey, did you know money can burn a hole in your pocket?" and he was DEAD serious! She had to turn around to laugh because he was that serious and because if he saw her laugh, he would cry. He didn't like it when people laughed at what he did. Even if it wasn't making fun of him, he took it that way.
When my son started middle school, that is when things became glaringly apparent. He could not connect socially with his peer group any longer. We were seeing a psychologist at the time and he was in counseling and they said he had ADHD and depression. So onto meds he went. Not because I wanted him to take them but because I wanted him to be able to function.
He had always struggled with organization and could never turn in his homework because he could never find it. Another common trait amongst Aspergian's. Unfortunately, he almost failed 7th grade because of that so I pulled him out and home schooled him. He was testing into college at this point in everything except Language Arts and mostly because he had to write things. There are fewer bubble tests, or multiple choice questions in Language Arts. His handwriting was so poor. It still is.
So the catalyst for him being diagnosed with Asperger's was not what you would think. It did not come from all the countless meetings at schools with their Special Education Department, or from the Psychologist or from a therapist. After 14 years, it came from me channel surfing. Yep, channel surfing. One of the thing my husband hates that I do actually is what got my son diagnosed.
I happened to be channel surfing while the show I was watching was on commercial break. I happened to flip over to a channel that had one of the Hollywood new shows on like Entertainment Tonight or Extra or something like that. There was a girl on there talking. Her name was Heather Kuzmich and she had just been kicked off America's Next Top Model. She was talking about how she didn't do well in social situations and didn't like to be touched or like certain textures. Bells started going off in my head. OMGOSH, she is talking about my son! That's when I started researching. That was around November of 2007.
It took 8 months to get my son diagnosed by a Developmental Pediatrician and Child Psychologist. I went through hours of frustration with this man. He actually asked me if I was one of those parents that was just unhappy with the fact that my kid wasn't a straight-Student. I was so mad I cried, an unfortunate problem I have and hate. I told him I would be happy if my son brought home an F if his teacher said he was doing the best he could. Apparently that appeased him because he became nicer after that.
Needless to say, it took 14 years and a lot of frustration. I was humiliated on many occasions and I almost gave up. Heather's diagnosis and testimony lead to my son being finally diagnosed and my son's diagnosis helped a friend realize her son too has the same disorder.
All I can say is NEVER give up. If you believe with all your heart and mind that something is not right and if you gut tells you the same thing, chances are, you are probably right. No matter what, stick to your guns! I can tell you that I had a Special Education Superintendent sit with my son for 5 minutes and actually ask me on a scale of one to ten, how convinced was I that my son had Asperger's. Yes, really! I told her that since a Developmental Pediatrician and Child Psychologist of over 35 years of experience diagnosed him, I would say about a nine and a half. She STILL did not believe me and sent my son for testing. No shocker when it came back as him having Asperger's!
Above all else I will tell you that if your child has special needs, fight like you have never fought before and DO YOUR RESEARCH! Educate yourself so you can educate those that aren't. Be your child's best advocate.
My son is about to graduate high school. I love the school he is in. They have great Special Education resources and a great team of facilitators willing to make the necessary accommodations for my child to succeed. No, he is not an A student, although if he turned in his homework he would be, but I am happy he has made it this far. And for the record, he plans to go into the Culinary Field and has already been accepted into college. So much for Paleontology, right?
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Chicken and a Chainsaw and the Chicken Nugget
So I have a son with Asperger's. If you are familiar with the disorder then you will understand what it's like to have a child walk around ALL day saying the same phrase over and over and...over. If you don't know what it is, google it. It's interesting. Needless to say, my son used to walk around saying "chicken nugget" and my best friend Kathy's son used to walk around saying "chicken and a chainsaw". While this seems pretty innocuous, it's incredibly annoying after hours of it.
But, never fear, this post has nothing to do with anything other than chicken. (I cannot vouch for how the chicken was killed however).
Chicken in a Crock pot (my recipe hack)
1-Whole chicken (giblets or whatever is in that bag removed, rinsed and patted dry)
3-whole carrots cut up in 1 inch increments
5-potatoes, whole, washed and unpeeled (I used white potatoes, I think)
1-Onion, quartered and then sections pulled apart
1 tbs.- crushed garlic (not fresh, the kind you find in a jar, only because I don't have a garlic crusher and partly because I am a lazy cook)
Salt
Pepper
a few pats of butter
Onion soup mix (used Lipton)
1 cup-hot water
2 Cups Rice
Okay, so here's what I did. First I sprayed my crock pot with Pam with Olive Oil. I refuse to use liners and when the Pam stash runs out from my adventures in couponing, I will probably buy on of those "make-your-own" oil spray things. I then put the carrots on the bottom with a few onion sections and the chicken on top of that. I sprinkled the chicken with a little salt and a little pepper then put a few pats of butter on top. Then I placed the potatoes on top of the chicken and put the garlic in the cavity. Then I mixed the onion soup with the hot water and poured it next to the chicken. In hindsight, I should have poured the soup mix in with the carrots then put the garlic in the chicken cavity then chicken on top. You know what they say about hindsight, right? Finally turn the crock pot on high for one hour then low for 8-10 hours or on high for 4-6 hrs. My chicken had the nice little pop-up timer, which I did not notice until it popped up. It said it was done at about 4 1/2 hrs (or at least that is when I noticed it had popped up) but I never trust that thing. Anyway, I let it cook about 5 hrs total and it pegged my kitchen thermometer so it quite possibly may have been done earlier when the pop-up thingy said so.
I planned to serve it with Sweet Hawaiian bread but alas, I forgot to get it so we are eating it with rice. We love rice here. Who doesn't? We use the medium grain rice that is bad for you. It's sticky, yummy, and oh, cheap! Did I mention I was cheap?
So, the verdict? It smelled amazing all day. Let me emphasize that, AMAZING! I pulled the potatoes out first, mostly because I had to to get to the chicken, then sucked out all the juices around it with my baster. That I made into gravy but I forgot to measure so it was more clear than opaque. When I went to pull the chicken out using two wooden spoons, the legs and wings fell right off. Good sign, right? As I was putting it on the plate, a whole breast section fell off. Nothing like a self-carving chicken! I thought everything was pretty good, except the carrots. I think baby carrots might be better or cutting them smaller. It also could have used a touch of salt but because my husband and I differ in our opinions of how much salt is too much, I err on the side of less then I add more to my plate. All my boys ate it. My 7 year old did comment the chicken tasted like potato though. So, if you don't like a "potato" taste, maybe put them on bottom. They were super tender though. Overall, it was a mighty tasty former clucker.
Some side notes to consider: I am not a chef or a cook but rather I have to cook for my family or they will eat junk, I think you could add any concoction of seasonings you like to this and it will turn out well, the skin does not brown well but if you could get it out in one piece versus the eight mine came out in, you could possibly broil the skin to golden perfection, and don't let your 14 year old cook the gravy because he/she may let it boil over on the stove, leave the burner on with the gravy on it and create a wonderful, blackened, smokey mess. All I can say is thank-goodness for glass top stoves.
So, I thought I would tell you what my meal cost. Since I am a couponer, my prices may differ from yours. Here we go:
Chicken:$5.33 (on sale for $.89/lb which is not my stock-up price but wanted an easy dinner)
Potatoes: $.66 ($1.99/5 lb bag, of which I used about 1/3)
Soup mix: $.25 (hit a sale with coupons, paid $.50 for the 2ct box)
Carrots:Free (had a coupon from recyclebank)
Onion: $.20 ($1.99/3lb bag, about 10 in a bag)
Spices/Garlic: $.25 (I mean really, who knows but I think that is fair)
Water: Free (we have a well and thank goodness because our boys take FOREVER in the shower)
Butter: $.19 (got it for 1.99/lb, divided by 32 tbs)
Rice: $.50 (I use medium grain rice and buy it in the 20lb bag for about $10 at my local commissary)
Total: $7.38 for 5 of us.
That's about $1.48 per person. Try that at McDonald's!
But, never fear, this post has nothing to do with anything other than chicken. (I cannot vouch for how the chicken was killed however).
Chicken in a Crock pot (my recipe hack)
1-Whole chicken (giblets or whatever is in that bag removed, rinsed and patted dry)
3-whole carrots cut up in 1 inch increments
5-potatoes, whole, washed and unpeeled (I used white potatoes, I think)
1-Onion, quartered and then sections pulled apart
1 tbs.- crushed garlic (not fresh, the kind you find in a jar, only because I don't have a garlic crusher and partly because I am a lazy cook)
Salt
Pepper
a few pats of butter
Onion soup mix (used Lipton)
1 cup-hot water
2 Cups Rice
Okay, so here's what I did. First I sprayed my crock pot with Pam with Olive Oil. I refuse to use liners and when the Pam stash runs out from my adventures in couponing, I will probably buy on of those "make-your-own" oil spray things. I then put the carrots on the bottom with a few onion sections and the chicken on top of that. I sprinkled the chicken with a little salt and a little pepper then put a few pats of butter on top. Then I placed the potatoes on top of the chicken and put the garlic in the cavity. Then I mixed the onion soup with the hot water and poured it next to the chicken. In hindsight, I should have poured the soup mix in with the carrots then put the garlic in the chicken cavity then chicken on top. You know what they say about hindsight, right? Finally turn the crock pot on high for one hour then low for 8-10 hours or on high for 4-6 hrs. My chicken had the nice little pop-up timer, which I did not notice until it popped up. It said it was done at about 4 1/2 hrs (or at least that is when I noticed it had popped up) but I never trust that thing. Anyway, I let it cook about 5 hrs total and it pegged my kitchen thermometer so it quite possibly may have been done earlier when the pop-up thingy said so.
I planned to serve it with Sweet Hawaiian bread but alas, I forgot to get it so we are eating it with rice. We love rice here. Who doesn't? We use the medium grain rice that is bad for you. It's sticky, yummy, and oh, cheap! Did I mention I was cheap?
So, the verdict? It smelled amazing all day. Let me emphasize that, AMAZING! I pulled the potatoes out first, mostly because I had to to get to the chicken, then sucked out all the juices around it with my baster. That I made into gravy but I forgot to measure so it was more clear than opaque. When I went to pull the chicken out using two wooden spoons, the legs and wings fell right off. Good sign, right? As I was putting it on the plate, a whole breast section fell off. Nothing like a self-carving chicken! I thought everything was pretty good, except the carrots. I think baby carrots might be better or cutting them smaller. It also could have used a touch of salt but because my husband and I differ in our opinions of how much salt is too much, I err on the side of less then I add more to my plate. All my boys ate it. My 7 year old did comment the chicken tasted like potato though. So, if you don't like a "potato" taste, maybe put them on bottom. They were super tender though. Overall, it was a mighty tasty former clucker.
Some side notes to consider: I am not a chef or a cook but rather I have to cook for my family or they will eat junk, I think you could add any concoction of seasonings you like to this and it will turn out well, the skin does not brown well but if you could get it out in one piece versus the eight mine came out in, you could possibly broil the skin to golden perfection, and don't let your 14 year old cook the gravy because he/she may let it boil over on the stove, leave the burner on with the gravy on it and create a wonderful, blackened, smokey mess. All I can say is thank-goodness for glass top stoves.
So, I thought I would tell you what my meal cost. Since I am a couponer, my prices may differ from yours. Here we go:
Chicken:$5.33 (on sale for $.89/lb which is not my stock-up price but wanted an easy dinner)
Potatoes: $.66 ($1.99/5 lb bag, of which I used about 1/3)
Soup mix: $.25 (hit a sale with coupons, paid $.50 for the 2ct box)
Carrots:Free (had a coupon from recyclebank)
Onion: $.20 ($1.99/3lb bag, about 10 in a bag)
Spices/Garlic: $.25 (I mean really, who knows but I think that is fair)
Water: Free (we have a well and thank goodness because our boys take FOREVER in the shower)
Butter: $.19 (got it for 1.99/lb, divided by 32 tbs)
Rice: $.50 (I use medium grain rice and buy it in the 20lb bag for about $10 at my local commissary)
Total: $7.38 for 5 of us.
That's about $1.48 per person. Try that at McDonald's!
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